update

I havent written in a while. I was getting ready to go back to work on the 1st of January but……last Sunday I passed out, only for a second, while I was walking with Hallee. I was walking and then I wasnt. I really dont know what happened. So I called my neurologist and he ordered a head CT. oday I went with a copy of the Ct to Dr Heros office, he is my neurosurgeon.
He wants me to go back on my seizure meds. I am protesting that. The meds made me sick for about a month. I am not ready for that again and since I really dont think I had a seizure, I made a deal with him. If I have another syncope, or any acute vertigo, I will start the meds, not now.
He also told me that my Ct showed some fluid leaking. Not as much as before, but it is leaking. He wants to wait for 3 months to see if my body can heal itself. He wants the swelling I am having to resolve, if it doesnt then I will need another surgery. So it looks like its a waiting game…again.
He doesnt want to open me up again right now. He said that I already have had 2 brain surgeries, an infection in my brain and he would rather not do another surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. I trust him so heal thyself my body, please. I am not upset, worried or really feeling much of anything at this point. I want this to all be over. I guess I just need to remain patient.

Oh boy

So I had to go to JMH er on Monday. My right arm was painful, swollen, red and hot. My Neurosurgeon’s office told me they would call the on call doctor and it would be a quick thing….12 hours later I was crying, hating the profession of nursing and getting ready to sign myself out AMA (against medical advise). After all that, I had no blood clot in my arm, they pulled my picc line and they sent me home. My arm still hurts badly, i have a rash around the insertion site, I feel terrible and I am wondering what next?

All this and the girl who is renting my condo in Tallahassee called to tell me she moved out, no warning, no notice…does anyone care about my mental health? On top of that the boy who was renting and still owes me money hasnt sent it, his mother, an employee of Memorial and a co-worker of mine is being a selfish nasty women and will not take any responsibility for her child. I dont understand that more than anything else. What kind of mother is she, what kind of person is she???

I have always been a kind giving person. My house a safe place for everyone. Why am I being treated like this? Why? My head is spinning, I need something good to happen.

My kids are great, healthy and happy. Connie is wonderful, being patient with my bad moods but why cant something just amazing happen in my life. When will I go through one day not worrying? Worrying how to pay bills, worrying about me health, worrying about how to take care of my family. Please just one day, one day of no stress, one day where everything goes right. Dont get me wrong, I am thankful for all the fantastic things in my life and for my life itself. I am having a pity party…..anyone want to join me?

success

Hallee is now an official bike rider

Phone Call

This AM I got a call from my Neurologist. It might not seem like an odd thing considering I have had 2 major brain surgeries in the past 3 months, have an abnormal EEG, and am on seizure medicine. This might not seem odd, but I havent heard from him in 2 months, I have been calling his office for 1 1/2 weeks to try and make an appointment and have not received a return phone call from his appointment person. So out of the blue he decides to check up on me. I was surprised. I told him I had my second surgery, I told him I have been weening myself off my seizure medicine and I told him that I have been feeling better since my care had been taken over by the doctors at Jackson Memorial Hospital. This is very sad, I have always been proud of my hospital and the care we give. I am still proud of the care we give, we the nurses. I am not so proud of the behavior of our doctors. Oh well, I am healthy and that is really all that matters.

Today I am going to teach my 14 year old daughter how to ride a bike. Yes she is 14 and doesnt know how to ride a bike. Her dad bought her a beautiful red bike yesterday. red was an interesting choice, I think he chose it so that it would hide the blood stains that may appear as a result of the learning process. It should be interesting, I will let you know how it goes.

Meagan left for school today, I am sad. The other two tenants have left so things are getting back to normal. I am having Deadliest Catch withdrawls, trying to find something new to watch. Megan wants a millionaire is not the show for me. I choose to believe she isnt really that mean, shallow and stupid. I choose to believe it is all for TV but I dont know….how low can TV go. I also dont like Chance at Love 2, why would you need another year of that? Jon and Kate is out, they are both gross. Brooke knows best, really, does she? I do enjoy Cash Cab, it makes me feel smarter than I do when I watch Jeopardy. I have been watching Weeds seasons 1-4. I loved the show at the beginning but at the end of season 4 it became idiotic. I hope they can recover in season 5.

I am going outside now to begin the bike riding lessons. Wish us luck!!!

Is been a while

I am still getting IV vanco….poop. I still hate it, I still hate my picc line. I love so many other things though. I love my kids and Connie. They make everyday an adventure. I love my friends, they make me laugh. I love taking long rides in the jeep. I always looked at people in cool jeeps…they look hot. I look anything but hot. I have to keep my arm covered so I usually wrap it in a towel. I have to keep my head covered so i usually wear a hat. Connie’s neice Allison sent me this very cute yet nerdy hat, it is pink, green, white maybe purple and yellow plaid. It is what I think they call a bucket hat. I look so terrible that even in the really cool jeep, i look like poop. I cant wait for the day I can look great to someone other than my kids and Connie who always think I am beautiful.

I decided today, on my way to being hot again, that I need a bike. Connie is going to get me one, I can’t decide between a really cool boss cruiser, a fantastic grey raileigh or a white and blue cannondale. I like them all. I told Connie to go to the shop and surprise me with the one she thinks is best. I usually dont like surprises but I am excited for this one.

Today was sushi sunday. We go to the same place every Sunday. Now I have a tummy ache and all I can think about is chocolate peanut butter baskin and robbins ice cream…..not to good for my hotness. I will start the road to hot in the morning!!!!

SHOWER!!!!!

So…….Today I got to take a real shower and wash my hair!!!!!  I woke up extra early: 5am to be exact, so I would still be able to hook up to my Vanco by 6am.  I have been giving myself sponge baths for the last week and a half.  That totally has sucked.  I dont have a sense of smell so I never knew if my sponge techniques were effective.  I was never sure if I got all the soap out of my lanky (private parts).  This caused me stress, I surely didnt want to get a yeast infection.  I dont need any more problems.  Needless to say I now feel like Mrs. America!!!  My hair looks fabulous in a weird kind of way.  I will go to the hair dresser in the next couple of weeks and get some funky new do.  I am excited, I am not sure what they will be able to do but it cant look worse.  Maybe some time in the next week or so I will put on some make-up…..stay tuned.

Vanco

I am so tired of getting the IV Vanco.  My picc line doesn’t work well, it takes two hours for my infusion and I have to do it twice a day.  If you know me, and you must if you are reading my blog, you know this is torture for me.  I never sit still, i never rest. (an on going argument in my house)  I still have no sense of taste or smell and my face remains deformed.  It is a good thing that I am not vain.  I have always believed that beauty is on the inside so that goodness for that.  I have always had great self esteem, this is coming in very handy now that I am deformed.  If people don’t love me for me than that is their problem and not mine.

The rest of my life is awesome.  My kids are great.  Tobi started her own jewelry line, it is fantastic, check it out on facebook, the name of the company is Little Dream Jewelery.  Meagan is great, got a call back to Bushe Gardens and Hallee finally is without her cast.  She is doing fantastic at Lovewell.  I am very proud of all my kids.  Connie is great, she had a wonderful time in Alaska, brought me back lots of presents.  My favorites are the ones having to do with the Deadliest Catch.  That is my new obsession.  When you are home bound and bored all there is to do is watch these crazy reality shows.  I watched Daisy of Love and that show grossed me out.  I am not a tattoo fan and she is covered in them, her lips are disgusting and she is just foul.  I watched the Real World but that just makes me miss my younger years.  Cribs just pisses me off all together.  I  like the bachelorette, but she is blind to the men and I get angry.  However, I have become obsessed with the Deadliest Catch.  I love Captains Phil, Andy and Sig.  I don’t like Captain Keith, I think he is mean.  I love the danger , and it really is dangerous.  I love the skill it takes to crab fish.  Yes, it does take skill.  I hate that they smoke so much, I am going to write a letter about that.  It really is an awesome show, check it out on the Discovery channel.  Then we can have something to talk about other than this stupid brain tumor and all my complications!!!